What is freedom?

Walking at the beach, we see the seagulls flying and we think - freedom. With the fresh, slightly salted sea air, we capture that sound as something freeing. Why is that it associates with freedom? Maybe it is about the flapping wings in the air and how they circle in movements that looks so free to us, because it's the plasticity of movements in the air and going to the right side and to the left side in the wind. And then you think - I'd like to be that seagull. But if you were a seagull, you would just rely on your instincts. You'd catch the fish, try not to get killed by other birds, people or humans and basically just rely on your survival instincts. Because you wouldn't be capable to see these things as a seagull that you see while you are human, your brain wouldn't be capable to see the aesthetic aspect of it - the complex beauty and give it that sensational association. For a seagull it's simple.

We, as humans, also can walk in circles on the Earth and go back and forth. So why is it the air that is "freeing"? We also have to survive, but our brains are more complex than that of seagulls, we can get killed, injured any day. There are constant power dynamics. So how is that a freedom?

Even pets - we own them on a leash. They get fed, walked, pet, basically taken care of basic needs, while they are not free - it is like a good cell. With food and care. That is not freedom.

So what is freedom that you mention, when we all rely on basic life mechanisms that affect our bodies which is time and force. Is it just a beautiful sentiment? Because nobody is free. The world is a power structure nobody alive can escape. It is biological, intellectual and spiritual.

And so we watch these birds fly again, flapping their wings, breathing in the fresh, salty air into our lungs, breathing in that sensation of association of a beautiful, fake sentiment - freedom.

We as humans, create these beautiful sentiments that give us a feeling, a fresh breath of life to illustrate, to give it a meaning, even if it is, in reality, non-existant.

Dry.

In my head space

In my bubble.

Where the world doesn't

See the trouble.

Breathing my skin,

Tears vanished, thoughts deep right in,

I'm clueless, but I just take each thought

And pin and pin.

I am all flowers,

With water off, dried,

I swam like a fish in the water of words

But the water bulb lied.

Lighter.

I am how I am,
So small and naked,
And all things in my head,
Are wrapped up in black thread.
Please, help me, save me from despair,
Its grip is getting tighter,
My body lacks the air.
The room is filled with gasoline
And all you need is lighter.

Sign.

As embers turn into dust,
And thoughtful turns into rust,
I've breathed too many ways,
Year 20. Please cancel the days.

Sitting still on the same roof.
No sign of stars, I'm shining aloof.
The breath that was taken away,
Took a whole world,
Without a place for me to stay.

The Surface.

Maybe we like the skyscrapers, because they reflect. They are like mirrors of the sky and surroundings. The materialistic things that are created to make us work and forget about the surroundings, yet reflecting them and reminding about the natural beauty around us. It always leads to what is natural and beautiful. To the blue sky in the daylight and the evening red colours covering the skyline. It's never the same thing, but it makes us feel the inner connection to nature.

The sky is fascinating. What if people travel to be there for at least some time, up in the sky and to have the feel that all of their problems are on the surface, left on the Earth? It's an interesting concept, yet a wrong one. There are too many of the interconnections for us to be left out of things we encounter on the surface, because wherever we are, we are on it. We are on the surface.

The Surface itself is the whole. It is the earth, the air, the sky, the water, everything else surrounding. The Nature. The Space. It is our surface. And we doubtfully ever leave it. Our souls, the thing within us, it never leaves "The Surface". We are spiraling in it, depending on our deeds in one life or another. Even if in our thoughts we are gone somewhere, it never changes the factual part. It doesn't matter that we don't believe in existance of "The Surface", because it is of higher state than anything. It is the Cosmic idea. The interconnective space, the informational web, as complicated as we could and could not even imagine. And nevermind if someone doesn't believe it. The Surface "doesn't care about you believing it or not". It is out there and it has its stuff and it functions. Functions as something least understandable to materialistic human mind. Functions and people get the parts of the whole idea. The details.

When human mind catches the ideas of "The Surface", it is the progressive state of spirituality. The spirituality is the inner state of human being. Depending on who has more of it and who - less, percentually. And the idea of it is spread all around in religions, in sacred writings there always is that part, where "soul rises in the spiral up". That's the spiritual growth. And each one, who encounters it, becomes more healthy. Because the inner part is interconnected with the outer part. The inner state with outer state. It is always interconnected. And the beings cannot deny the spiritual part, in order to grow, there have to be all the parts functioning.

On what's hidden.

Morning, 10 o'clock, And I'm in my own block, Of self-regret alone in thoughts, Spilling coffee in a cup, Adding two of sugar spoons, Maybe I'll feel better by the afternoons, But right now I am in the thoughts, A division of myself - From the other people And my own shelf. That I hide and never really show. And all this keeps within - And I'm thinking how to deal with it - And where my thought process should go. So much to oneself, so closed. What are other people, when all they did - Was - they opposed. Rarely showing deepest thoughts, Having constant trust-based doubts. I'm not a people person, never was. An introvert with feelings stuck within. I am appearing with a smile, polite... But inner hidden side is hurt and grim. And sometimes, trying to find new people, On the internet, because I rarely go somewhere, I'm throwing myself in, Trying a conversation, Regretting a detail within Every important sensation. In many talks, it comes to regret. "You are too critical, Too confrontational". When I think I'm the one, Who made me like that, When my therapist actually says - "You're too polite, too reserved, You need to learn to express your emotions away, Your self-control is too much, but sensational! Have you actually thought, That it was not you, Who made yourself feel that regret To think that you're rude? Have you actually thought, That the people you've dealt with, They made you to think that, Because that was their view, On things how you said it. To project from one's side, So much people do, Whatever you say - "That must be rude, so impolite!" And that is not true. You are not aggressive and you don't seem rude." And that's how it goes in life. Listen more to immaturity, And you can forget - once and for all, About the realness of you. And your self-image purity.

Along the side.

You know what's the most difficult? It's getting along with someone. Along in life, along in family. You're trying to throw your own ideas away sometimes to keep that thread between someone you have chosen to spend time with and yourself, your selfish being. And when you succeed, you still have something kicking you, those doubts won't just leave, just go away, they are staying until the very end. Everything you can (more like - the best you can do about them) is taking a sword and blowing them all away with the power of the opposite. The strength of the hit is basing on the strength of your will to kick it all bad away. You're hitting them doubts, but - oh! They're still there. Coming back all the time. Wouldn't it be good for something different to come back the same way the doubts do? Can you control it? You can't even control your thoughts, how come you want to control your whole life or a life of the another? You cannot. Until you control yourself. If you don't have a weapon you can control, you can't give a weapon to somebody else, who hasn't ever even tried to take it in his hands. All you can do is learn yourself and then, only then - show another. Think.