Masks.

I hope you take it off,

In morning dust, in sunset red,

Before you leave and go to bed,

I hope you take it off and look

With every word out of that book -

And scratch out that thread, that page, dissection,

Do I suffer to blind affection...

We all take them off and look in the mirror to see

That there's something incredibly monstrous to be.

The masks of perfection.

I stomp the appeal and cut the correction.

In beautiful masks lies our ugliest infection.

Coats.

You are weak,
For all the drugs you seek,
You just want to lit up,
Reach a short, glorious peak.
And all those dreams, material
Or irrational, delusions,
You let your emotions take over,
To speak for yourself,
You live for pretty illusions.
The reality bites,
Icy cold and the spites,
Make us crave for disaster
The tides that grow over our heads,
The connections we break -
We call them "new fashion",
A coat made of multiple threads.
The life with no reason,
Immense sense of "I",
As far as it gets.

Yeah, fuck. (Obviously explicit.)

You can't pay me, baby
To be a human out of all the differences,
Think about the consequences,
When you take outside the gun,
Ruined the party, you ruined the fun.

You can't make me, baby,
To take for motherfucking instance
The causal link of your own protection
In keeping the distance.

I'm on my way to cheer,
To fuck things up.
In my own bloody car I ride like it was stolen
Damn pretty wild. And I ain't gonna stop.

Tinder.

We used to spread love,
But then we spread hate
We used to spread love,
But then we spread hate,
We used to spread love,
But then we spread hate

And around and around
We stupidly date.

In a useless demeanor
We stupidly date.
We run from ourselves.
We stupidly date.
We run from ourselves.
We stupidly date.
We run from ourselves.
Until we all hate.

Smile, you're the same.

People think that the different ones in this century

Are not oppressed.

People think that if you're quiet and smile,

You're happy and not depressed.

When you walk outside, dressed nice,

You're beautiful. It's not a disguise.

Of how you actually feel.

That you're barely keeping things with your family,

That doesn't really like you, nor cares about things you feel.

Like a Stockholm syndrome, but not a diagnose.

"You are just different, you don't need a dose."

You walk those streets smiling,

But you just feel numb.

Yet you show that emoji of a thumb.

It's all fine, all nice, sugar and spice.

Unaccepted for how you really are,

Forever a weirdo in a disguise.

Go on - throw a dice,

How today will be sunny and nice.

The hunter. (Sinner city). | Explicit.

Who the fuck cares,
If I'm decent or indecent,
Kind or unkind.
The backbiters will stab,
Some people are blind.
And yet love is so hard to find,
They say, but
They know nothing.
And the words they say are cutting.
Protective and festive they walk down the street,
And yet with no reason to stay on their feet.
We walk and we talk, the reason to fuck,
But all of those days, matched in hell
They all suck.
Just like sheets, minds of sheep,
And nothing in the oceans going deep,
The mind talking crap,
Sit on my lap,
While I'll grab out my cock and I'll fap.
Cause I like it, when there is what to tap.
I'm a whole golden fatpoint on the map of my city,
And there's nobody out there I could pity.
All shiny and brave, we go for the fame,
The sinners of city that no one can tame,
Playing ourselves. That's our shitty game.
Gonna call my momma and say she's to blame.
Imma fuckboy. And they'll know my name.

Trip.

It feels so free and so crazy.
It gives me life,
When it's not there

And when I look into my eyes,
In the mirror,
All I see is nobody there at
To stare

Before my consciousness left,
Eyes tried to see,
What I wanted so much there to be

What I lacked and what I missed,
Those things,
That weren't in the life for me

What else could do the favor to,
Make me forget the problems,
Leave me with no clue

Drugs, alcohol.
Pills, razors, glue.
What did I see, what's in my soul.
What captured me that through

Was it the need for living feeling?
Was it the need for some more time?
Or was it someone I was lacking,
Forever to be only mine?

What's life for others,
Were the drugs for me.
All that had sounded in my head:
I never was. I never am. And I will never be.

And sun will capture me in head,
Hallucinating, pretending to be dead

But who was there to be with me?
When I was lost. But truly free.

Was that the happiness to be?
Was that what I should do, it's me?
And every question in my head,
Had answer -

Baby,
You are dead.

(Made approximately in May 2017., posted first in June 7, 2017 on facebook, but never got here. It has a deep meaning and theme - drugs&alcoholism. Let me get this straight - I have never used drugs myself or had problems with alcohol, but my empathy and my experience seeing close people like that is the thing that leads to this movement against drug using. This photoset is basically portraying in slightly different way the thoughts of a person who used drugs. And the lethal outcome.
The most important message to learn is - you are important and you are unique to Earth and to yourself. Stay alive.)
...
Photographer: Dezembers Photography (facebook)
Model&edit: me.

On what's hidden.

Morning, 10 o'clock, And I'm in my own block, Of self-regret alone in thoughts, Spilling coffee in a cup, Adding two of sugar spoons, Maybe I'll feel better by the afternoons, But right now I am in the thoughts, A division of myself - From the other people And my own shelf. That I hide and never really show. And all this keeps within - And I'm thinking how to deal with it - And where my thought process should go. So much to oneself, so closed. What are other people, when all they did - Was - they opposed. Rarely showing deepest thoughts, Having constant trust-based doubts. I'm not a people person, never was. An introvert with feelings stuck within. I am appearing with a smile, polite... But inner hidden side is hurt and grim. And sometimes, trying to find new people, On the internet, because I rarely go somewhere, I'm throwing myself in, Trying a conversation, Regretting a detail within Every important sensation. In many talks, it comes to regret. "You are too critical, Too confrontational". When I think I'm the one, Who made me like that, When my therapist actually says - "You're too polite, too reserved, You need to learn to express your emotions away, Your self-control is too much, but sensational! Have you actually thought, That it was not you, Who made yourself feel that regret To think that you're rude? Have you actually thought, That the people you've dealt with, They made you to think that, Because that was their view, On things how you said it. To project from one's side, So much people do, Whatever you say - "That must be rude, so impolite!" And that is not true. You are not aggressive and you don't seem rude." And that's how it goes in life. Listen more to immaturity, And you can forget - once and for all, About the realness of you. And your self-image purity.

...

I do not want people,
Who destroy the ground.
Who make my birds fly away,
Who leave with no sound.


I do not want people,
Who don't want to stay,
These moments are cracking the ground,
And the pain stays inside, it does not fade away.

Time.

Every day I prayed to God for a rewind,

In between mistakes, those caused by me,

In time that I could never find.

Each miracle, each anger score,

The patience all wasted,

Like if things were always done before,

I could have realized I am so sore.

Time was ticking, just like us,

We know we can be late for bus,

But do we realize that life's the same,

The guilty, trippy fatal game.

When we are making just in time,

Our names and hopes become a rhyme.

On graveyard stone we're all the same,

But what's the point, why that's so lame?

And further, more, I went to see,

A movie, blank, no ticket fee,

Just watch the screen and you'll be great.

There's no rewind to your mistakes.

All this life... But did you realize -

That you're the one to change your fate?

After all your screams and prayers tall,

There was a wide and heavy wall,

God stood there and - here's your rewind,

But in addition, I am no God,

Here is the death

And you are blind.

So think, before you fuck with time.