Masks.

I hope you take it off,

In morning dust, in sunset red,

Before you leave and go to bed,

I hope you take it off and look

With every word out of that book -

And scratch out that thread, that page, dissection,

Do I suffer to blind affection...

We all take them off and look in the mirror to see

That there's something incredibly monstrous to be.

The masks of perfection.

I stomp the appeal and cut the correction.

In beautiful masks lies our ugliest infection.

You know, it hurts

Fuck you, with words

The fuck are you doing

Putting words in my mouth

If you wanted me to be away -

Then should have said so,

Not wasting my day

And my heart

Decay.

Tunnel.

 I walk out

And it pulls me back.

I walk out

And it pulls me back.

The pain within comes out

Like black fluid fills my veins

Confusing feelings, destroying gains.

Thoughts go back to negatives.

I fear what ifs, everything is like a wall,

Huge border around me, suffocating crowds in mall.

I'm on my knees and I can't breathe.

And you won't help me, nothing will.

I'm ruled and I'll be killed -

By my own thought. I'm still -

Like waters in the sea -

Deep down the black depths feed on me

Of my own sharks. Relational ptsd.

I want to paint my room fucking red.

I hate everything that does with feelings,

I hate everything that makes me cry.

I hate everything that gives me hope and reason,

And everything that makes me wanna die.

I hate all these things I'm feeling - 

And those that I don't understand.

For when I was stupidly thinking,

About clueless fucking you,

Instead of going to bed.

I want to paint my room fucking red.