otrdiena, 2019. gada 23. aprīlis

The selkie. (It's so much more.)



I am the writer
Of my life
And of all those things,
By eye you can't find.
The grass greener than real,
The sea with a selkie seal,
The castles and rocks,
Without heavy locks.
Skies blue as they could be,
Autumns rich in colours and so beautiful,
As you could see
A trubadour writing a song,
Yet something... completely wrong.
The beauty is there and so is the might,
Yet something is missing so much, I can't fight...

I can't find.

Yet I can feel you at times.
You may not read my messages,
But I wish you came here tonight.

But you know what?
Fuck my morals.
Fuck my mind.
Just tell me, tell me, if I was that blind.
If that all was a joke,
Just tell me,
If I'm out of my mind.
That I saw all those things.
Did I know where this brings?
I didn't. Yet maybe I did.
So instead of staying in my comfort zone,
Instead,
I went for you.
And I'd go again and again.
Even if the whole world would tell me I'm mad.
Because I know that I'm not.
I know what I saw. And I stay by it.
I'm not driven by my fear,
And maybe I'm fucking proud.
And I would say out goddamn loud...
In front of everyone
And humiliate myself -
I would, whatever I could,
To keep you.
Is it really that mad?
That the true love is the one I found
And yet I have to seek you out?
How proud have you been
In your whole goddamn life?
When there is given the truth to you
And you pretend to be
Fucking blind.
Hiding from me,
As if I was the threat,
How high are you in your mind for yourself,
Watching from aside, in the shadows you can surely hide,
While I'm suffering,
Me - you,
When there was another choice,
To reach further for what's true,
What a way to deny what you feel,
When we both each other should heal.
For what's true, for what's real.
No written castles, no seals.
No green grasses, blue skies.
No meadow butterflies.
Yet the divine. Unwritten.
Yet true for only the feeling to see.
The light that was meant there to be.

I stand at the shore.
Silent. With the deepest wish.
Of all those roads... please, help me to find.
The love... isn't the right word, it's so much more.
As a selkie in the starlit sea,
My heart swims to you,

Will yours swim to me?




*selkie - a female shapeshifer into a seal from folklore, not meant here as it's original meaning, but rather meant here as a romanticized concept of willing to shapeshift to be able to cross the sea;

svētdiena, 2019. gada 21. aprīlis

The dance.

Making steps in the sun-warmed sand, the hair flows in the wind along with the rhythm... The beat is only of my heart and it gives enough to this whirlwind dance in this lonely place, where few snakes rattle hiding in sun-dried corners. None of the flowers stand alive. And I imitate their bloom in the heartless sun that burned it all. In only a barely see-through long red dress enfolding my body from a light fabric that dances along with my movements, like a rose blooming in a mysterious red flame that is hidden and turns around, creating sparkles. The naked body feels the flow of the fabric along the lines. Primitive tingling sensation down the spine. Create me. Create the dance. Touch the side shape of the body. A light flow of the fingers down the strings, barely touching, yet making a sound. Gasp. Breathe in the air in this heat, grasp for the water to enrich your soul, craving for each drop in this deserted land, crawling on your knees. Yet the fingers still remain on the side - the silky sensation, carefully sliding down the hip. What is this feel, this dance on hot coals barefoot, as if it was made of thorns yet remaining so soft... as the lips were made of gentlest rose petals. And the touch... So explicit. Place both hands along the sides. The inviting warmth heats up as the wind blows through the fear and it turns into passion. Spark a flame and burn. As it blooms into the whirlwind dance on the sun-warmed sand. Such a bashful feeling. Truly erotic. Not the simplicity, but the complexity. The sophistication. It's not vulgar. It's beautiful. As it's true passion. True feelings expressed in fervid flames of an efflorescent fire of the dance.




My blood is my fire,
I swing into my light.
The ancient rhythm in my soul and mind,
Starts the path of might.

My heart is my fire
And therefore is my fright,
I break the sticks with hands
Throw and lit it bright.
So might this bonfire shine
Bright as ever through the night.





ceturtdiena, 2019. gada 18. aprīlis

The lighthouse.

The weather breathes through me,
Through the hair, through the lungs, to the sea,
The wind breathes to the other side,
But I wish it breathed me.
So I'd sail to the city for free.
To the city of lights,
Of candle lit nights...
Yet I wish it was only for me.
Like my light inside that you see,
It's limited.
And somewhere away there's a lighthouse,
Please, bring me there,
To your lighthouse
To be.
And I wish wind breathed you to the shore of me.
Two lighthouses guided as one,
In the sail of the endless sea.

otrdiena, 2019. gada 16. aprīlis

Look.

Look at the sky more often,
Look upon the starry absorbing shore,
So you can explore, soften your sight and widen the door.

Look at the universe.

Because we are so much more...



ceturtdiena, 2019. gada 11. aprīlis

The Moon and the Stars.


Touches, being close,
Yes, you have power of those.
It is the close distance,
Not like if I wanted to live by the next bus stop,
To meet your existance.

Not like if I wanted to see the same Moon as you do,
To stare at stars like if they were you,
The night sky
And the colours blue.

Like if I wanted to take your hand,
And walk the same street,
For you to understand, that I am no threat.
That I am no bad. That I want you to be happy, not sad.

If I wanted to dance in the rain,
But tell you to run home, make some tea in the north lane,
To cuddle close and change the clothes under the blanket, see,
I want you to be warm, to love and comfort endlessly.

I want to keep you close,
There are no miles to heart,
Do you see the sparkling stars, as they were in the eyes, seeing you from the start?
When I feel you near, there's no doubt - I can't disappear,
You're my only one, I'm here... and I will erase your fear.

Trip.




It feels so free and so crazy.
It gives me life,
When it's not there


And when I look into my eyes,
In the mirror,
All I see is nobody there at
To stare


Before my consciousness left,
Eyes tried to see,
What I wanted so much there to be


What I lacked and what I missed,
Those things,
That weren't in the life for me


What else could do the favor to,
Make me forget the problems,
Leave me with no clue


Drugs, alcohol.
Pills, razors, glue.
What did I see, what's in my soul.
What captured me that through


Was it the need for living feeling?
Was it the need for some more time?
Or was it someone I was lacking,
Forever to be only mine?


What's life for others,
Were the drugs for me.
All that had sounded in my head:
I never was. I never am. And I will never be.


And sun will capture me in head,
Hallucinating, pretending to be dead


But who was there to be with me?
When I was lost. But truly free.


Was that the happiness to be?
Was that what I should do, it's me?
And every question in my head,
Had answer -


Baby,
You are dead.




(Made approximately in May 2017., posted first in June 7, 2017 on facebook, but never got here. It has a deep meaning and theme - drugs&alcoholism. Let me get this straight - I have never used drugs myself or had problems with alcohol, but my empathy and my experience seeing close people like that is the thing that leads to this movement against drug using. This photoset is basically portraying in slightly different way the thoughts of a person who used drugs. And the lethal outcome.
The most important message to learn is - you are important and you are unique to Earth and to yourself. Stay alive.)
...
Photographer: Dezembers Photography (facebook)
Model&edit: me.