Throw the dice.

I hate to be wrong, I hate to lose,

Life pours me lies, I pour some booze.

I wait and wait, I hate that feel, like

You're there, alive, but nothing's real.

You say I'll heal, when I am down,

I cut myself with my own crown,

I waited for the doom to pass,

And years ago I had more class.

Restrained myself, I put in chains,

With fire flowing through my veins,

It boils, it hurts and I blow up,

Each evening, there is nothing there for me to stop.

I look at the stars and I ask why,

And maybe, when there's time to fly,

It answers nothing, silent, closed,

Same feel, same old shit with people who ghost.

I strive to be me, then I strive to be nice,

A board game of masks

And I lost my dice.

.

I want to scream, I want to scream, I can't comprehend this,

I cannot stand this right now.

All these feelings piled up and fear,

I fear and nobody understands, the only ones that act up

Are dry walled and speak like know-how.

I cannot handle this right now,

I cannot handle this, I can't.

Like an empty shadow road,

This all seems too thick, painful and broad

And you - shut up.

Won't say a word, will ye

I want you to shut it, and doors to be shut,

Thousands of lusts have died all for once

In my gut.

Leave, I am done.

All the tears are so pathetic. I bite my lip

I endure to not show any of you

I feel so deeply, I fear and I love too

And whatever's left, will be claimed by me,

Not you. In-between us a wide, dark sea

I fucked all the rules. I got myself free.

Time's not my death - 

I feel so much. But I'll battle, till hell, I fucking will

And through depths cut with swords I will flee.

Time.

Sometimes I just want the time to stop,

Somewhere where it was happy and everything was okay.

I'm sentimental. And I wish we never died in that golden light

I wish the good would forever stay.

I cry. And to empty skies I pray...

That today wouldn't be the lasting day.

Dry.

In my head space

In my bubble.

Where the world doesn't

See the trouble.

Breathing my skin,

Tears vanished, thoughts deep right in,

I'm clueless, but I just take each thought

And pin and pin.

I am all flowers,

With water off, dried,

I swam like a fish in the water of words

But the water bulb lied.

I am a woman, I swear.

I am a woman, I swear.
And all the roads about care,
Are forbidden to open
Like words,
That crush under the heavy boards
Of silence.
And creative power means nothing.
I swear,
This dress is unbearable to wear.
And I care.
Too much and too dear -
Till the only last tear.
I am a woman and words mean silence,
Actions speak world

And I speak violence.

We are and we have never been.

Why is that we even care about a category such as husband? Wife?
What is all of the whirlwind of life?
Where do we go and what do we see,
If all we have ever been and have never - is free.
The freedom doesn't exist,
You're here, I'm here,
We are on the list
Of life.
But all turn to dust,
Our souls reborn into new
But old rust.
We are humans guided by pain, by violence, by lust.

I'm cursed.

How did I get here,
To this part where I'm drunk,
Listening to music,
While waiting to your voice's sound.
All I think about is you.
It's like a fucking curse I'm going through
And I have no clue of what I should do.
Why am I so lost at once.
Why I think of you.
What's the matter with my head,
When all I dream is you.
And heart burns,
Heart, I place in water. Blue.
I sink in,
And so do you.
Thunder I've always loved.
Do I fucking love?
I love you.

Will this hit you?
Yes, it will.
It won't make matters better,
No feelings have been neither, will they be left still.
No waves have silence.
No love has calm.
I wish for fire,
I wish to touch and kiss your palm.
Fuck me, I confess
With the faithful psalm.

The fuel.

Love is selfish,
Love is cruel,
Burns like a fire,
Starts like a duel.
Might break your knees,
Might make you sweat,
The love are knives,
The love is a threat.
The pain is true,
You mend your parts together
With hope and glue.
Love is selfish,
Love is cruel,
The clash of force,
The red and the blue.
And explodes like a fuel.

Tonight.

Tonight. Look at myself falling. 

I see my own eyes praying and 

Silently whispering for the hope.

"What's wrong?"she asked. Nothing.

Nothing really is. 

While the butterflies were too sick to fly, 

I'm going to take my medicine. To die.

Escaping the fate.

Escaping the doors,

I'm going to run

Through the flames and the floors...

I'm going to burn you.

Then - myself. 

Our sons and the family. 

They're all left in one memory.

Kill it.